Tight Throat

Dear friends,

Today's post will be a quick post. I have decided that today will be more of a "reading day" than a "writing day." I firmly believe that reading more will not only improve my writing technique, but it will also inspire new ideas and topics to write about. The following books and publications are on my immediate list of things to read:

• Elizabeth Gilbert's The Signature of All Things 
• Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
• A full issue of the Washingtonian magazine
• A full issue of The City Paper

That's just a jumping off point. I've also been reading articles on Twitter all week. Anyway, all this rambling to say that I'm ok with staying in for three (very wet and thunderstorm-y) days in a row this week. As a writer, taking the time to read is just as important as taking the time to write. On dryer and sunnier days, I will do more physical activities. But today (and yesterday, and the day before), I'm ok with staying inside all day and reading. It's a luxury that I haven't enjoyed in a LONG time. Mmm, I'm loving this "Dream Month"!

I just have one concern. For the past two weeks, my throat has felt really tight. Not itchy, scratchy, or sore, just tight. It feels like I was screaming my lungs out at a concert. Except, I haven't been to any concerts lately, and it's felt this way every day for a couple of weeks now.

Eric, my boyfriend, suggested it might be an allergic reaction to Spring pollen. So I bought some Benedryl on Monday. I took two tablets on Monday night. And while I slept like a rock star, my throat didn't ease up.

So today, I was compelled to Google the phrase, "Why does my throat feel tight?" 99% of the Internet answered that question the same way - stress and anxiety. This was news to me. I am not stressed! I am the opposite of stressed! I am a freakin' "Lady of Leisure" these days! How can I possibly be stressed?!

Oh. Right. I did just quit my job. And even though I have saved up substantially, I am currently without income. And my old health insurance ends today. And I don't know when my Obamacare health insurance will kick in. And I am completely uncertain about my future. And I'm lying to my family and completely hiding from them the fact that I have quit my job. And I hate lying (I'm not good at it at all!). And I'm afraid that I'm just an over-grown child who refuses to accept adult responsibility and face the fact that life is supposed to be hard and work is supposed to suck. I mean, what's the point of any of it? Without an 8-hour shift at a dreary office, I find that the days are flying by. I mean, I wake-up with Eric in the morning. Make us both breakfast. We say good-bye. He goes to work. I do some reading. I do some writing. And before I know it, Eric's home, we make dinner, and it's time for bed! Whoa! Where did the day go? Where is life going? Before we know it, it's all going to be over!

Ok. So maybe I do have some unacknowledged stresses and anxieties about the present. And that would completely explain the tight throat that I've had for the past two weeks. But I'm working on it, I really am. I know I haven't left the house to attend a yoga class yet, but I have been meditating for at least 10 minutes every day this week. I even found a lovely and relaxing guided meditation to listen to on YouTube today.

I have to share a quote I found today in one of those "Tight Throat - Anxiety and Stress" online forums. The writer of this comment may not be a native English speaker, but you still get their point: "I have two close friends who experienced this.. they found out it was stress, often compounded with unresolved anger from a feeling of not having a voice.. not able to speak up, feeling no one really listens.. frustration.. lots of emotions can get "stuck" in the throat.. I'm now seeking an emotional healing and practising meditation, more prayer, relaxing... Good luck and hope that helps!"

Maybe I relate to that description more than I care to admit. It seems strange to complain about "not speaking up" and "not having a voice" when I rant and rave on my blog every day. But maybe there is more truth there then I'm willing to admit. Maybe I'm holding back more than I care to admit. Maybe there are some emotions that have gotten stuck in my throat. I don't know what they are today. But maybe they'll come to be tomorrow.

As I so often like to do, I shall wrap-up these musings with a photo of the author. A picture from my London days (for those who don't know, I loved in London from 2010 - 2012). Here's my and Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Group (we're pals like that).

 

Be well, my friends. Be great.

~Leila

P.S. All your favorite episodes of the Sherman House Webisodes are always free to watch at www.shwebisodes.com.